The Mental Shift of Moving from “Should” to “Want”

The mental shift of moving from “should” to “want” is gaining attention in wellness circles as a powerful pathway to intrinsic motivation and healthier habits. This guide shows why this mindset matters now—and how to make it stick.

Why This Mindset Shift Matters Now

Changing Inner Pressure

Saying “I should” often stems from external or internal pressure, triggering guilt or anxiety. Psychology experts describe how “shoulding” leads to wasted energy and negative self-talk.

Connection to Psychological Flexibility

Well-being depends on mental adaptability. Studies link reducing rigid self-imposed rules to improved emotional regulation and resilience.

Boosting Motivation and Self-Efficacy

Shifting to “want” aligns actions with personal values and goals. A Danish study found belief in personal change significantly improved mental health outcomes.

What Experts Say: Should vs Want

• Replacing “should” with “I choose to” fosters self-compassion and courage.

• Framing intentions in terms of reasons or values instead of obligation encourages action from a healthier place.

How to Shift from “Should” to “Want” — A Practical Guide

1. Practice Cognitive Reframing

Identify “should” thoughts and rephrase them:

• ❌ “I should exercise.”

• ✅ “I want to feel energetic and healthy.”

2. Anchor Actions in Values

Connect tasks to core values:

• E.g., “I want to cook healthy meals because it supports my health.”

3. Start Small with “Micro-Wants”

Break habits into manageable chunks:

1. I want to drink eight glasses of water a day.

2. I want to stretch for 5 minutes each morning.

4. Use Implementation Intentions

Pair “want” intentions with “if-then” plans:

• “If it’s 7 PM, then I’ll go for a 10-minute walk.”

5. Reflect with Kindness

After completing tasks, ask:

• “Did I act from want or should?”

• “How did it feel?”

The Quiet COVID Lesson: Let Go of “Should”

During the pandemic, many felt weighed down by “shoulds.” Wellness experts noted that eliminating self-imposed pressure improved mental health by shifting focus to manageable actions and self-compassion.

Benefits You’ll See

• Reduced stress – fewer guilt-driven demands

• Improved self-esteem – empowered by personal choice

• Lasting habits – driven by values, not obligation

Pitfalls to Avoid

• Avoid toxic positivity – “want” shouldn’t ignore real challenges

• Set realistic wants – overly ambitious goals may lead to burnout

• Stay flexible – if a “want” loses appeal, reframe or pause without guilt

The Trend in 2025: Wellness with Autonomy

Wellness apps and programs now promote choice-based prompts (e.g., “Select what you feel you want to do today”). This autonomy-focused design is shown to increase engagement and satisfaction compared to obligation-driven prompts.

Conclusion

The mental shift from “should” to “want” isn’t just semantics—it aligns actions with self-determined purpose, strengthens motivation, and supports emotional well-being. Practice reframing, build small implementation intentions, and track your journey with compassion. Start today—choose what you want over what you should.

References

1. Psychology Today (2022). Should vs. Want: Freeing Yourself From the “Shoulding” Habit. For insights on overcoming internal pressure by replacing “should” with self-awareness. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/inviting-monkey-tea/202208/should-vs-want-freeing-yourself-the-shoulding-habit
2. Verywell Mind (2022). Simply Believing You Can Improve Your Mental Well-Being Goes a Long Way. A Danish study showing internal locus of control boosts mental health. https://www.verywellmind.com/believing-you-can-improve-your-mental-well-being-helps-5536948
3. Self.com (2020). Please, I’m Begging You, Don’t Worry About What You ‘Should’ Be Doing Right Now. Discusses how pandemic-era “should” can hurt mental health. https://www.self.com/story/should-therapy-trick